Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All the doctor said was why
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
