Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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