that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
