The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
