The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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