Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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