I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
