you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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