In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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