I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
