took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
