Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
