I just saw a hot homeless man
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
