Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
