The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
