1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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