YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
