I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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