do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
