He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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