You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
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had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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