the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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