According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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