so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
