at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
