yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
