every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
