How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
