My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
