I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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