I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
