i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
