Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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