This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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