Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
