his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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