im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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