Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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