so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
