dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
