and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
