You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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