the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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