WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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