Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
