Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
