just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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