Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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