hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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