The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
