Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
