wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
