A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
thus making me awesome and them whores
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
