the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
