Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
