My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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