Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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