So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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