We're like a lot better than the average bears
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
