I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
