Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
