just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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