I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
