I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
