Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
