Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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