some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
